Hey! You found me! Yay! Welcome to my, er, random musings!! Thank you for reading.
So… ‘Humble, Epic Badassery’? Bit of an oxymoron? …Perhaps. I’ll let you decide.
But writing, at least the kind of sustained, prolonged, dedicated, purposeful writing that it takes to fully complete a novel, edit and cut it, live, breathe, cry and bleed oneself onto the page (or laptop!) lends itself to a kind of schism within. Actually more like infinite worlds riddled with untold schisms. Hence the seeming humble/epic oxymoron alluded to above. Simply to traverse those myriads of splits of alternate realities along the road to arrive at one’s destination (or today’s stop, anyway), to survive these schisms and be able to carry on requires a specific type of constitution to stay sane. Or relatively, functionally sane. Some days… well, some days are better than others.
But wait —- First, please let me get one thing out of the way… About this very first …’blog’ of mine… I have been extremely hesitant about beginning an author’s blog. I resisted for a long time, for two reasons. Well, actually three — I’ve never liked the word “blog” itself — it sounds like something someone grossly intoxicated with a mouth full of melted marshmallows and peanut butter garbled out while being on the receiving end of a shock treatment. While at least part of that might sound like bliss to some, few of us would argue that those are conditions that anyone would consider conducive to word-crafting. Two — I have an intense aversion to the self-gratifying attention-seeking that goes on sometimes in the world of blogging. That being said, there are exceptional posts by talented writers that are very self-aware, genuine, informative and conscientious, and I am grateful for their fire, passion, humility and authenticity. They light up their corner of the world and beyond. I will sincerely endeavor to be real here, and bring to the table only what is genuine. And three — by far the most pragmatic — I sometimes have the need to mentally absent myself, go ‘off the grid’ for periods of time, and withdraw underground into my subterranean world where my characters are the only ones I converse with in more than grunts and gestures. LOL. I haven’t come to an easy solution for that one yet. This may still be an issue for me but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
Okay, back to today’s subject. Humble, epic badassery. The incredible demands required of producing a full length manuscript can lead to delusions that can be difficult to identify as delusions. The more time one spends in one’s own head, traversing the myriad of convoluted labyrinths there, muttering to oneself, jotting down the random and not so random thoughts as they come by means of whatever materials are at hand — even if all that one has are a rock wall and pocket knife — the more reality blurs. (Ooohhhhhh…. the colors….) Um, what was I saying??
Right. So… those schisms within can cause some very significant issues, but sometimes, in the very fortunate ones, a certain fortitude, a sparkling depth, a certain grit, a level of endurance and shedding of ego rarely seen or required of other mortals. This can, at least in some, develop a warrior spirit. This is the spirit that says in the face of grinding hardship, without pretense or preamble or giving an inch, “I got this. I’m not going anywhere. Bring it.” Of course, this is often the end product of incredible pain, innumerable blows, and countless inelegant tumbles. But this is exactly what the product of hard, solitary, disciplined, internal work produces… the hyper-aware and non-delusional badass. Yes. Let that sink in for a moment.
And all the humble pride (humble, epic badassery) that goes along with those hard-earned, perceived-undesirable scars and unsightly limps and beautiful crooked noses is exactly the point. People rarely see the painful, humble processes, just the resulting scars and imperfections. Very occassionally, a masterpiece. Fine. Let it be, let them think whatever they will. Go within. Be scarred. Be beautiful. Be rare. Be fierce. As I believe Hemingway said, “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” This is what I would like to remind you — of the extraordinary perfection that is to be gained along the road through all the obscure pursuits and wrong turns and crippling injuries that one might think — at the time — they can never recover from.
I will say it. You will recover.
And you will be epic. And badass.
Also, Scotch helps. A lot. Sometimes Irish whiskey. And wine. Excellent companions in the witching — I mean writing — hours. Just sayin’.
So, here’s to being raw and honest and funny and fierce…!!!